Letting go of certain things can open the door to true contentment in life.
Amy Morin - What Mentally Strong People Don't Do
Posted Nov 28, 2018

Mental strength and inner peace go hand in hand. Mentally strong people are confident that they can handle whatever life throws their way.That's not to say they don't feel pain or that they don't get sad — they experience their emotions on a deep level. But they don't waste energy wishing things were different or trying to change other people. They stay focused on managing their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

They also make self-improvement a priority, because they know there's always room for improvement. And they give up these 10 things that could destroy their inner peace.

1. Engaging with toxic people
The people you surround yourself with affect the way you think, feel, and behave. Engaging with people who lie, gossip, bully, or cheat takes a toll on your well-being.
Mentally strong people don't waste their energy trying to change toxic people. They establish healthy emotional and physical boundaries.

2. Excessive self-blame
Thinking everything is 100 percent your fault — whether it's a failed relationship or an accident — will affect the way you see yourself and the world around you. You can't always prevent bad things from happening.
Mentally strong people take appropriate accountability. They recognize that they're responsible for their choices, but they also acknowledge factors beyond their control, like the state of the economy, the weather, and other people's choices.

3. Chasing happiness
Thinking you need to be happy all the time will backfire. Momentary pleasure is much different than long-term satisfaction.
Mentally strong people are willing to put in the hard work it takes to gain contentment. They refuse to give in to instant gratification or temporary indulgences. They look for ways to build a brighter future by creating long-term goals.

4. Staying comfortable
It may seem like staying inside your comfort zone is the key to feeling good in life. But avoiding discomfort always backfires in the end.
Mentally strong people face their fears, venture into unknown areas, and test their limits. They know that being uncomfortable is tolerable and allowing themselves to experience discomfort is the key to living a better life.

5. The victim mentality
Thinking the world and the people in it are out to get you will prevent you from being your best. In fact, if you blame all of your problems on external circumstances, you'll never take responsibility for your life.
Mentally strong people acknowledge their choices, even in the face of tragic circumstances. They focus on the things they can control, and they refuse to waste their time hosting pity parties.

6. Trying to impress people
You could waste a lot of your life trying to make people like you. Depending on admiration from others, however, gives others power over you.
Mentally strong people are comfortable in their own skin. They don't waste their time worrying about whether other people approve of their choices. Instead, they focus on living according to their values.

7. The pursuit of perfection
Striving for excellence is healthy. But insisting on perfection is an uphill battle. You'll never feel good enough if you set the bar impossibly high.
Mentally strong people accept that they're going to fail and make mistakes. They are able to acknowledge their flaws and weaknesses.

8. Grudges
You may think that holding onto a grudge somehow punishes someone else. But in reality, clinging to anger and hatred only reduces your life.
Mentally strong people let go of grudges so they can focus their energy on more worthwhile causes. That doesn't mean they allow themselves to be abused by people, however. It just means they don't allow pent-up resentment to overtake their lives.

9. The quest for material things
No matter how much money you make, a bigger house, a nicer car, or more expensive clothing won't give you peace of mind. Expecting material possessions to satisfy your needs will leave you sorely disappointed.
Mentally strong people aren't necessarily minimalists, however. They can enjoy nice things. But they don't expect their material possessions to give them joy and contentment.
10. Complete self-reliance
Thinking you can do everything on your own is about acting tough — not being strong. There will be times when asking for help is important.
Mentally strong people aren't afraid to admit when they need help. Whether they rely on a higher power, ask for professional help, or lean on a friend during a time in need, they gain strength from others. Knowing they don't have to have all the answers gives them a renewed sense of inner peace. 

How to Build Mental Muscle
Inner peace comes from knowing your beliefs and having the willingness to act according to them. It takes mental muscle to do that.
Fortunately, everyone has the ability to practice mental strength exercises every day. The more mental muscle you build, the easier it is to find true contentment in life.

Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, college psychology instructor and internationally recognized expert on mental strength. She's a Wall Street Journal and international bestselling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do and 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do.

Deepak Chopra: How to Get Out of Sad Gear

The spiritual teacher explains how to cope with temporary or long-term sadness.
By Deepak Chopra
Photo: Marga Frontera/Getty Images

We live in a society where a high value is placed on being positive. Yet sometimes this simply isn't possible, and people find themselves facing temporary or long-term sadness. Just telling yourself to "be positive" isn't much help, because moods can have a life of their own. One of the pitfalls of positivity is that people tend to fantasize about a perfect life instead of realistically facing the fact that no life is perfect. Everyone's existence contains challenges, disappointments, frustration and failed expectations. Further, what usually happens is that most of us become passive. We distract ourselves by watching more television or spending more hours on the computer. We wait for sadness to pass and we behave as if nothing bad is going on. Keeping up a good front is important in most people's lives, yet behind the facade can lurk a good deal of fear. Instead of positivity, what's needed is reality. Being realistic means that you drop the main defense that all of us are tempted to employ: denial. The only reason to deny your sadness is if you feel that you can't do anything about it. But there are concrete ways to cope with sadness and gain control over it: 

Step 1: Identifying Your Kind of Sadness 

It's perfectly normal to have sadness in your life. Some kinds, however, can be a cause for concern. If you are feeling sad at this moment—or have been experiencing a down mood for a while—look honestly at your situation. There are three types of sadness most of us fall into: Short-term sadness: This is a passing mood, lasting a few days or, at most, a week. It sometimes has a cause and sometimes not. The best remedy—as we all know but, sadly, often fail to remember—is to lower your stress, go to bed early and get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, make sure you exercise and break up your normal routine a bit. Boredom, lack of sleep, being too sedentary and excess stress are all associated with a sad mood. 

Triggered sadness: This includes a downturn in mood because something undeniably bad has happened to you, such as losing your job or the death of someone close to you. In such a situation, you will generally know what the trigger is. The problem is that most people feel helpless when they enter extended sadness, even when they know there is a good reason for it. In this case, you need to process your sadness, let nature take its course and share your feelings with someone who can counsel and console you. Bottling up your feelings and feeling victimized are never helpful. Triggered sadness lasts an unpredictable length of time, yet in an emotionally healthy adult, within six months there is a return to the level of emotions that existed before the trigger was set off. 

Depression: If you feel sad, exhausted, helpless, hopeless and unable to sleep, eat or enjoy sex for a period of time lasting more than a few weeks, you should suspect that you are depressed. There is often a trigger for this condition, but it is usually something that you could normally cope with. When coping breaks down, depression takes over. So if you feel that you can't cope, even with minor stress and ordinary setbacks, mild to moderate depression may be indicated. This is a complicated mood disorder that varies from person to person. If you suspect that you or someone close to you is depressed, a doctor's care is needed. 

Step 2: Banishing the Enemies of Happiness 

Let's say that you fall into the first two categories of short-term and triggered sadness (we won't discuss depression here; that must be handled by a health professional). If so, there are things you can do to change the situation. 

It surprises people, but, in fact, the best cure for sadness is happiness. Anything that diminishes your ability to build your own happiness must be avoided or eliminated. For example, don't hitch your happiness to external rewards or postpone being happy until sometime in the future. Don't expect someone else to make you happy. Don't allow your emotions to become habitual and stuck or close yourself off from new experiences. Don't ignore the signals of inner tension and conflict, dwell on the past or live in fear of the future. Most of all: don't equate happiness with momentary pleasure. 

In a consumer-driven society, it's all too easy to fall into all the don'ts on this list, because they share the same element: linking happiness with temporary pleasure and external rewards. Of course, we all live for the pleasure that life brings. No one is saying that you must deny yourself. But the most satisfying project you will ever undertake—and a mark of a complete human being—is to discover how to build a sense of happiness that no one can take away from you, because you have taken total responsibility for it. The journey to such happiness takes a long time, yet every step is one of fulfillment. 

Step 3: Building Well-Being 

Passively accepting your sadness is the same as forgetting to build your own happiness. Happiness is more than a mood. It's a long-lasting state that is more accurately called well-being. Well-being is a balanced state of mind and body that you feel subjectively as contentment, peace of mind and emotional freedom. Well-being opens the door to joy and deep satisfaction with your life. There are practical things you can do to help cultivate it such as: give of yourself (in other words, take care of others, and care for them); work at something you love; set worthy long-range goals that will take years to achieve; be open-minded; learn from the past and then put it behind you; plan for the future without anxiety, fear or dread; nurture close, warm social bonds; and develop emotional resilience. 

Developing emotional resilience is perhaps the most important, because that's the ability to bounce back from bad things in your life. How do you encourage it? By being present with your feelings instead of fearing them, by getting past victimization or "poor me" thinking, by making a plan of action when things go wrong and sticking with it, by associating with people who are emotionally mature and seeking counsel from someone who has managed the same kind of crisis that you now face, by focusing on the times you have survived and thrived in the face of tough circumstances, and by appreciating and rewarding yourself for dealing with your difficulties. 

Working on long-term, emotionally mature happiness is the best way to insulate yourself from downswings in your mood. Sadness comes and goes. Well-being can be made to last a lifetime. It doesn't matter how close you feel to this highly desirable state or how far. For everyone, well-being is a journey. All it requires is the right vision and devotion to personal growth. You have the inner guidance to support you. The secret is committing to that journey and taking those first steps with hope and belief in yourself.

Deepak Chopra, MD, - Oprah.com
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/why-youre-sad-how-to-stop-being-sad-deepak-chopra
Published 08/13/2012