Self-Care for When Things Fall Apart 
Aug 29, 2018
 Tara Jackson 
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Sometimes life just happens to you. You can have the best intentions and daily practices but things seem to happen which are often out of your control.

Recently it seems a lot of people close to me have been going through life changing events – job losses, a relationship break down, health issues, a death of someone close, or similar upheavals which affect their life. 

When I look back on my life to date and how I have handled situations which have thrown me off balance, I realise they often felt totally overwhelming at the time and like there was no way out from them. I felt trapped and didn’t think life would ever feel good again. However, I now know that it is these moments which have helped to define who I am today.

Going through upheaval and change is exhausting both physically and emotionally. Our bodies tend to adopt the ‘fight or flight’ response and it can seem like many of our normal cognitive functions aren’t working as they do regularly.

As you go through whatever the situation may be, taking care of yourself can seem almost impossible but this is when you need to the most. I know in past situations I have just wanted to curl in a ball and sleep through everything, or escape through mind numbing activities such as drinking, watching endless TV and, at certain times, eating. However, these things offer only temporary relief and ultimately you feel worse.

When something comes up which is out of my control I am learning to allow myself to go through whatever it is I am going through. Feel any pain, rage, sadness and whatever else may be coming up as well as care for myself in as simple a way as possible, as my usual practices can often feel too much. Here are some simple things which have helped me in different situations.

1) Breathing
So simple and so powerful, yet so easily forgotten. Taking long, deep breaths into your entire body regularly will help you to get out of the fight or flight response and allow your body to relax. Breathing will help to calm you no matter what is going on around you.

2) Staying present
It’s easy to let the mind wander, and replay certain situations or scenarios, or even try to predict the future. Instead (and this is definitely easier said than done) bringing your attention back to the present moment really helps, as ultimately we can’t change the past or predict the future, so thinking about it can lead to unnecessary thoughts which can often spiral negatively. Try focusing on something small such as observing an object – all it’s different colours, textures, shapes. Then move on to something else. The more you do this the easier it gets.

3) Being kind to yourself
It’s so easy to want to blame or berate yourself for what is happening. Our minds try to come up with reasons for how it might be our fault, how we might be to blame. If only we had done something differently. Also being kind to yourself by acknowledging you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Perhaps you need to say no to certain things for the time being that you would normally do, or ask for help? Do what you need to do to be kind to yourself.
 
4) Looking after your basic needs as best as you can 
Food, water and sleep are essential to everyone and so easily forgotten when things get thrown. I know that eating is the last thing on my mind if I am going through heartbreak, whereas in another situation where I lost a job all I wanted to do was eat. Remembering to nourish your body in any way possible and get sleep when you can will help with how you handle the situation enormously. Even a small amount of sleep deprivation and dehydration can impair your normal body and brain functions. If it’s hard to manage, go for little and often with both sleep and nourishment and ideally eat the most nourishing food possible.
 
5) Finding an outlet for release 
Often life does not or cannot return to what it was before and you need to learn to live with a new normal. It can feel hard, uncomfortable and even scary, but learning to adapt and accept this new reality is a part of life. Having an outlet to express what you are feeling will help you to reach a place of inner peace and/or acceptance faster. Some things which can help are physical exercise or movement, counselling, journaling or another creative expression. Finding something which is within your time and budget allowances and that you feel able to do.

As mentioned earlier I do also think it’s important to allow yourself to feel what you are going through. Acknowledging that there is something happening and it’s okay to feel what you are feeling. Then adding in some simple practices to help you care for yourself whilst you are in this situation.
If you are going through something I hope these simple practices help.
www.tarajackson.co.uk
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The 12 Best Ways to Spend a Mental Health Day (According to a Therapist)

Author By Jor-El Caraballo, Talkspace Therapist
Posted: August 13, 2018

Everyone has their own way of embracing self-care and addressing their mental health. It’s important for your mental well-being and can provide a valuable reset that leaves you more positive and productive going forward. Today, we’re sharing some secret tips from a therapist on the best way you can spend your mental health day.

Get a Good Night’s Rest
The first key to taking care your mental health, which is often overlooked, is to get a good night’s rest! So the night before your mental health day, make sure to give yourself a block of at least 8 hours of sleep. If you’re not a particularly good sleeper, you may want to block off as much as 9-10 hours for sleep as interruptions during the night might leave you feeling tired throughout the day. And don’t forget to set your alarm clock just out of arm’s reach so that you can’t just roll over and hit that snooze button.

Set Goals for the Day
When you wake in the morning, start your day with a few minutes of intention setting. Starting with setting plans or goals for your day will help you feel balanced and grounded before you get into the world of catching up on the news, or returning calls and emails. Spend a few minutes thinking of the goals that you would like to achieve today and set the tone for yourself.

Eat Breakfast
Once you’ve taken the time to set your goals, sit down and make yourself a nutritious breakfast. This usually means a breakfast full of variety. Sorry, but a donut and coffee doesn’t cut it anymore. Studies suggest that a rich and hearty breakfast can help improve mood and mental performance throughout your day. There may even be a ideal breakfast for those living with depressionsymptoms. Skipping breakfast altogether is not recommended. Those who regularly eat breakfast have been shown to have less depression, a lower stress response, and generally live healthier livesthan those who don’t.

Exercise
After your breakfast settles, the next best thing you can do is to engage in some moderate exercise. If you’re feeling really full, you may want to avoid intense cardio (maybe save that for later), but a low-impact workout such as stretching or yoga can help loosen up muscles stiff from the night’s rest. Exercise can also lower your heart rate and blood pressure as well as make you less susceptible to the stress of the day. After you’re done, be sure to take care of your daily grooming, like showering and brushing your teeth to help you feel fresh and rejuvenated.

Do Your Mental Work
If you are fortunate enough on your designated mental health day to take a day off from the office, now is a good time to engage in some mental work. This could include completing some challenging work from your to-do list or problem solving around some bigger tasks. With a well-balanced breakfast and some exercise under your belt for the day, you are primed to perform with focus and clarity. Take advantage of it and challenge yourself. In the end you’ll also end up feeling a great sense of achievement for putting forth effort, which is great for your mental health!

Eat Lunch
In the midst of that work, don’t forget to take some time a little later to eat a balanced lunch. This is a good time to work some leafy greens into your day as they help slow down the process of cognitive decline and may even prevent dementia long term.

Do Your Emotional Work
This may also be a good time to tackle some of the emotional issues you’ve been facing. What are you going to do about the anxieties you face daily? How are you going to follow up with your boss after making a mistake at work? This is a good time to engage in some robust problem solving or reframing, otherwise you may spend your evening turning over these things in your mind, greatly impacting your restfulness and sleep.

Socialize
After lunch, get back to tackling some things on your to do list or you can spend time reconnecting with friends and loved ones. Spending time socializing is great for your mental health, whether that be going out with friends for a bike tour or spending time catching up with grandma. Making regular human contact is a big part of being mentally well. Social isolation is linked to several mental health conditions such as social anxiety and depression, among others. And if you don’t currently have friends or other loved ones that you can connect with, this is an opportunity to engage in a group activity to potentially make new friends.

Take a Nap
If you’re like me, then after engaging with friends and doing some work you may need a little down time. If you can swing it, why not take a short nap? Naps have been long proven to positively impact mental performance. Just don’t make it too long as it might disrupt your sleep for the evening. It only takes about 20 minutes of napping to reap its benefits, so keep it brief! If you’re not a fan of naps, this is also a good time just to delve into something that brings you joy. That can mean anything from reading a book to getting in some additional exercise or even practicing meditation. Whatever you choose, just make sure to utilize that time for yourself.

Luxuriate and Eat a Light Dinner
After a nap is good time to luxuriate in something you enjoy until dinner time. At dinner time eat a slightly lighter meal. Eating less at night might be better for your weight, your glucose levels and metabolism, helping you to get better rest and feel more balanced energy-wise. And we all know how hard it can be to be well when we don’t feel well!

Reflect on the Day
Spend the early evening hours winding down and taking it easy. Before bed, set aside some time to reflect on the day’s events or journal. Practicing the GLAD technique, a gratitude practice that can help improve your mood, might help you with an extra dose of positivity and set you at peace before bed time.

Practice Good Sleep Hygiene
For many of us, the evenings are when all the not-so-great stuff tends to occur to us. Anxieties about work, personal issues or grief, or other emotional concerns tend to stake their claim on our evenings as we spend most of our days trying to fend off these ills. By making time earlier in the day to work through challenging emotional material, and leaving positive stuff for night time, we set up ourselves up for successful sleep.

These are just some points to consider in your mental health day. If you are able, it may be worth it to throw in an exercise class, some spa treatments or other holistic therapies to help you feel restored. This is a template for you to make them most of your next mental health day.